Breasts

I was chatting with David – and I said I was bored and that I had no idea about what to write about if I were to blog. So he, being a typical testosterone filled male, suggested that I write about something that all men are obsessed about.

Breasts.

So what do I write about breasts? Breasts are breasts – I have never really thought about breasts. Okay – I lie. Every girl has thought about her breasts. Is it big enough? Or, in some people\’s cases…why are they so damn big???? *hint – Barbie*

I don\’t think I have ever used the word \’breast\’ so many times in one period of time before.

So what do I write about breasts?

Okay – from a girl\’s perspective…breasts are breasts. We\’ve grown up with our gurls, so it\’s not something special, I think. At least not for me. A guy asked me once…\”When you lie face down, does it hurt?\”

What kind of a weird question is that?

I am a C cup. Woohoo. Not. Whatever. I don\’t really care what size I am. I don\’t really get why guys like size so much. You see a girl with two melons on her chest and your eyes pop out. What is up with that?

So how does it feel to have breasts?

First of all, how do you expect me to answer that? I have had breasts for most of my life. When I jog (and yes, I do jog) they bounce. Which is why sports bras were created, to keep my chest from falling out of my top.

This is really a very weird blog. I really don\’t know what there is to talk about breasts. To me, they\’re normal. They\’re something I\’ve grown up having. It\’ll be like me asking a guy how it feels to have two things hanging in between their legs.

Ugh. That sounded so wrong.

The point I\’m trying to make is – breasts to us girls is like something normal, okay? But it is kinda weird right now, because when some obviously egotesticle guy (sorry, David ) asked me to blog about breasts, I just looked down and suddenly…Forget it. Forget IT! LOL.

I have had guys actually look down at my chest while they are talking to me. Which is not flattering – it\’s disgusting. It\’s demeaning. Take your eyeballs out of my cleavage.

Guys have no need for nipples. Now that is interesting. If guys have no need for nipples, why have them? The reason is that all guys were girls once. And then they got demoted from the perfection that is women into the imperfection that is men.

I think the Bible got it wrong. I think God created women in His image (because God is probably sexless). And then He realized that the first woman needed someone to look down on, someone to command, someone to control. Which is why He created man – to serve women. So guys – take a hint. LOL.

Speaking of the Bible, it was Eve who got tempted by the serpent, right? And then she called Adam to eat the forbidden fruit or apple or whatever it was. Which means what – it\’s our fault that sin entered the world?

Wrong. You know why? Because women are flawless. And as I keep telling people, I am more flawless than most (j/k).

I really can\’t write anything about breasts. They\’re like normal to me. What do you expect me to write about – all the dirty things you want me to do with them? Sorry – go find some hooker or call some phone sex hotline. I\’m wayyyy too good for you. *looks down from my very high pedastal of perfection*

This blog entry should probably be marked as mature. Except that it is immature. All guys (with the exception of my dad *at times* are immature. Priests don\’t count as guys, because they are men. What do I mean by \’guys\’? People in possession of the XY chromosome who have nothing but sex and sex and more sex on their minds.

Breasts. What rhymes with breasts? Rests? Crests? Nests?

Congratulations, David – you have just turned the word \’breasts\’, in my dictionary, at least, into a very weird word. Now I can\’t say this word without thinking of you.

That sounds even more wrong.

And that is my blog about breasts.