Another Piece on Dating

The average female student will have a numerous amount of personal encounters throughout the day. Many of these meetings are nothing more than making small talk at a lunch table, brushing shoulders with someone in the hallway, or doing homework with an assigned partner during class. Over the years, one fact about teenage rendezvous remains the same: teenage dating is an uncomplicated and painless experience on a young woman’s emotional health.

The first step to dating a boy in today’s society is actually finding one who is worthy enough of a girl’s liking. Not just anyone will do. There are certain criteria that must be met. He must be rude, inconsiderate, have poor taste in clothes, and, if a girl is lucky enough, have a bank account to match Donald Trump’s. Then, she must then check on all of his friends to see if any of them are more date worthy than the original rude, inconsiderate, badly dressed, rich boy. It also doesn’t hurt if this boy engages in some sort of illegal activity such as drinking, or doing drugs etc. It doesn’t matter; it all just adds to the charm. Also, if boy happens to be a vampire who develops a very unhealthy obsession that borders if not crosses into stalkerdom (eg watching her while she sleeps, following her while she shops) this is also a plus.

If he is deemed suitable, she can then move onto the next phase in the first step of liking a boy: consulting her friends. This is the process by which the girl goes around to her entire social network: school, neighbors, the lady at the check out counter at the grocery store, anybody and everybody. After the boy is deemed worthy she can then begin the chase.

There is nothing more enjoyable to a girl than the chase of the boy. There are three main steps to this process. Step One: she must learn everything about the boy. This includes getting all of his school files and anything that the F.B.I. might have on him. She must also check out what kind of car he drives, and how he pays for his paraphernalia, legal or otherwise. Cash, check or credit? All of these things make a person who they really are. Once the boy has passed this test of character, he must then hang out only at the best places. Places where a coffee and a scone total over ten dollars and where ice cream is so expensive you have to use the Visa.

Once this is completed the girl can then move on to Step Two; hanging out where the boy hangs out to get noticed. How does this occur? First, the girl must wake up extra early on a Saturday; figure out what to wear by consulting her aforementioned friends. This should only take her three to four hours. Then she must shower, do her make up perfectly, and fix her hair. If all goes well, she is a beautiful, sleep deprived, maiden.

Once the girl arrives at the hot spot in town, with her posse she must proceed to talk very loudly about subjects that she knows the boy has an interest in, which she knows nothing about. When this task is successfully completed, she must then leave with all of her friends in tow, and naturally the boy will follow to strike up a conversation. This leads to Step Three: being asked out. This is the most important step because it seals the deal. The boy has to lean in and ask in a very arrogant manner, “Hey hottie, wanna hang out sometime?” To which the girls must repy, “Maybe.” This is the signal that the date has been set.

The date has been set, the clothes picked out, (this time it only took two hours), and all of the extraneous tasks taken care of. The girl is now looking forward to one of the more pleasant parts if the evening, the meeting between the boy and her parents. An amicable exchange will then ensue between the boy and the girl’s father. Surely no embarrassment will occur, and the mother of the girl will only offer the boy cookies and a carbonated beverage thirty seven million times as well. The car ride to the location of the date will be filled with silences that neither the boy nor the girl will mind. Noting excitedly that the other one has checked her hair twice and only picked his nose once, both the girl and the boy are wondering, “When will the second date happen?!”

Finally the destination of the date, generally the movies, the mall, or a local Coney Island, is here. The boy hastily parks his car, gets out and walks towards the door, leaving the girl to merrily open her own door, walk by herself into the movie, mall, or Coney Island. A cheery conversation follows between the boy and girl in which he is politely reminded that she is a princess and should be treated like one. She is then reminded that since women have equal rights they also have equal power, i.e. the power to open their own door and pull out their own chair. An awe-inspiring movie, starring some up and coming actor such as Hillary Duff or Lindsey Lohan is then watched, by the couple who discuss the plot and symbolism afterwards. They then head home where they engage in a simple and civilized embrace that lasts for only ten to fifteen minutes. Afterwards, the boy states that he will call the girl and the girl states that she will be waiting. He then rushes home to call her; she then does not sit by the phone and wait.

Teenage and adolescent dating is so comprehensible that even a young child can dissect its very essence. There are three easy steps to dating a boy and only two or three sub steps for each main step. Dating is relaxing and enjoyable experience full of wonder and excitement no matter how many times a girl has been dating a boy. The art of finding a suitable boy, catching him and keeping him is so clear that in the process of writing this blog three of the author’s friends have managed to follow her clear and concise advice each having snatched rude, inconsiderate, badly dressed, rich boys of their very own. So go out now and get your very own boy today!